


breve estate (1980s)

by sonegr



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 80s, Alternate Universe, F/M, Fingering, M/M, Underage Drinking, mentioned Mark/Donghyuck, summer vibe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 15:27:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14108391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonegr/pseuds/sonegr
Summary: “You dyed your hair.”, Doyoung spoke up, his voice not crossing a certain volume, low but tender. He threw a nod and glance in the general direction of Jungwoo’s head, whose hands started running through the dyed strands, a sandy brown that looked healthy unlike Lydia’s. “Yeah”, the younger fudged, “It was a stupid idea.”Jungwoo spends his summers in his parents villa in Italy near the sea. Doyoung is a resident and Jungwoo's friend since his early childhood.





	breve estate (1980s)

**Author's Note:**

> Damn Daniel. This piece of shit is finally writing again! Please read this first so ya’ll know about my influences, thoughts, inspiration and stuff on this work. Thx.
> 
> I was heavily influenced by the book and movie _Call Me By Your Name._ Yes, I know there is a huge controversy surrounding the movie and book but honestly if you read the book you’ll realise there is even more problematic stuff in there than just the age gap.  
>  Anyways I was more inspired by the scenery and art of the movie and book. Aciman’s writing is insane and inspires me every time. I really recommend reading the book or watching the movie even though it is problematic in some ways. But tbh everything is problematic except for _Black Panther_ maybe lol.
> 
> Okay so this is set in the 80s in Italy. The town i describe is never named but I took inspiration and the layout and scenery from the Italian town _Forte dei Marmi_ , which is in the _Toscany_. I stayed there last September and let me tell you, rich people. It’s really a town for rich people only, I don’t even know if any actual residents live there or if it’s only a town for rich people’s holiday houses honestly. There will be no drugs abuse, like there was during my Italian summer, but quiet some drinking and also, hold onto your seat, some heterosexual intercourse/kissing/whatever scenes. Homophobia and internalized homophobia, some gender roles stuff, which I am not necessarily a fan of but, well, the 80s amiright. References to historical figures, too. There should be a warning for that.  
>  Also this will be centered around European culture. I don’t know enough about Korean culture to be writing about it (I first thought of the setting as Jeju but like I don’t know much about Jeju) so there will be no Korean honorifics (hyung, oppa etc.) used except for when they speak in Korean. Jungwoo is part of a cultivated, erudited and rich family. He spends his summers in Italy in his parents mediterranean holiday home alongside other family members and friends that also spend their time in Italy during summer. Doyoung is a resident of the town and one of Jungwoo’s friends who he spends the summer with. That are the basics. Bye and have fun reading. 
> 
> Translations will be directly in the text à la Aciman which goes like this: _Whatever European language I am using in italics._ And the next sentence is the English translation. 
> 
> _Viel Spaß._ Have fun.

Summer reminded Jungwoo of a lot of things. Heat and his own sweat sticking his clothes to his body. The blue, blue water stretching along the horizon, making it seem as if the sky and sea were one. Agata’s freshly made peach juice quenching his thirst. On days when Agata went to the market it was pomegranate juice, in the late summer she stuck to oranges. But most of the time it reminded him of his backyard. The lounger, his lounger had its designated place between the endless blooming peach trees, next to it a small table for his books and on especially sunny days, his sunglasses, black. _Die Verwandlung_. The Metamorphosis. One of Kafka’s earlier works in its original language burning away in the sun. It was hard to read as German was not Jungwoo’s first language and not as familiar to him as Italian, which rolls out of his mouth like his mother tongue due to having been using it almost all his life. Summer meant family and sun. Summer meant his friends and swimming. Summer meant Italy.

Their house was big and luxurious. It was one of the villa’s closest to the hills along the town border. White walls and shutters graced every window. The space inside was wide, the furniture Italian, French, Spanish with a dash of Korean, home. It was typical mediterranean, it was expensive. It was full of culture, the artwork adorning the walls speaking to whoever passes it, telling them about history, about the world, about life, the dark wooden table in the lounge smells like its age, old, the piano in the same room shines of quality. The hallway was big, a high ceiling, sofas and chairs standing in the room next to side tables, decorating it, having absolutely no purpose but to look good. The doors leading to the other rooms, lounge, kitchen, study, dining room, were big, double winged and dark. They were mysterious and an old, a wise aura surrounded them. Mr. Kim’s study was packed with bookcases that were filled to the brim. Old books and new ones, but not a single one insignificant to the European, the Korean, the Asian, the World’s culture. Jungwoo knew that his father had read every single one of these books. Some were mandatory for his studies, others were for his own pleasure and joy but they all were to some extent important to or for something. Jungwoo was close to catching up.

The Kim’s spend most of their time in the garden, at least Jungwoo’s parents. They read a lot, they wrote a lot. His mother never stopped working, translating pages after pages of foreign letters or books. Or as much as one could call them foreign. To Jungwoo they were his home, books written in languages spoken in his summer home. Spoken by his mother, by his father, by himself. His cousin’s who lived in the house next to them, just as big and luxurious, with his aunt and his uncle, Mr. and Mrs. Jung, were less enthusiastic about languages and culture. They had other things swimming around in their prepubescent, or in Junghoon’s case pubescent, heads. Mr. Jung blamed it on them having multiple kids, as they had too much distraction to concentrate on their studies. Jungwoo liked his uncle but he talked to him as if he would rather have the Kim’s son as his own, betitleing his children as an embarrassment whereas Jungwoo’s parents could flaunt his endless talents and intelligence to all the other wealthy families in town. Jungwoo didn’t like it as much as they did.

He had friends in Italy too. Some were part of other families that decided to spent their summers far away from home in a different, not foreign, just a different country. Donghyuck, who lived closest to the sea, his family having the smallest house out of all of them, which didn’t make them any less well-off. Mark and Johnny, cousins, both from America more or less, ethnically Korean like Jungwoo himself, lived on the other side of the Kim house. Their garden had a pool in which Jungwoo had wasted hours soaking his body before. Donghyuck almost drowned there once when he was 5.  
But the most important one, to Jungwoo at least, was Doyoung. Doyoung Kim wasn’t wealthy and didn’t spent just his summers in Italy. He lived there with his family and claimed that he doesn’t even remember the sight of the Korean sky. He was smart and could be funny if he wanted to, kind of moody most of the time though. Jungwoo liked him. He wasn’t as loud as his other friends or the other residents that Doyoung knew and that hung out with them during summer break which made him the ideal companion for just reading or lazing around in the sun. Jungwoo didn’t despite intense people that talked way too quickly, but hanging around those type of persons too much wore him out like nothing else. He loved his summer friends but they were not someone he would want to spend the rest of his life with. Doyoung was different.

-

Jungwoo had turned 17 in February, on the brink of starting his final year in school. This summer was something else. Jungwoo could tell the first time he stepped out the wide hallway door into the garden to attend dinner with his family, nearing the table under the China tree, _koelreuteria paniculata_ , that was already set by Agata and a different sight greeted him. Mark wasn’t there, and next to Johnny, Mark’s usual spot during dinner with the Kim’s, sat a girl, Lydia, as he later learned. She was skinny but somehow still had a curvy and considerably feminine body. Blonde, dry hair that reminded Jungwoo of hay and blue eyes that seemed emotionless the longer one looked at them. Jungwoo introduced himself in a kind manner, _Sono Jungwoo_. I am Jungwoo. He held out his hand but the girl just looked at him with big eyes and turned her head sideways to Johnny who sprang in and explained that yes, this was his girlfriend of 6 months, and she was American. She couldn’t speak Italian. Jungwoo resorted to English, introducing himself again which led to her answering but completely ignoring his attempt at shaking hands. Unfriendly, he thought.

Summer always started out with dinner. When the Kim family arrived the Jung’s and the Lee and Seo household ate together in the Kim’s big and green garden, Agata serving the most delicious and fresh dishes, most of the time containing some sort of fish that her husband, Davide, had caught that morning. Everyone talked and exchanged stories of home, their actual home not the summer one, and they laughed and drank, Mrs. Kim a bit too much. This time it was different. No one was talking Italian or Korean or a mix of both, a few English words thrown in from time to time, but instead adjusted to their guest and conversed in English only. Mark wasn’t there to laugh at everyone’s jokes, as unfunny as they were. He was in America, planned to arrive a few days later as he was visiting his girlfriend’s family’s holiday home for a week.

It was shocking to Jungwoo. Johnny had a girlfriend, Mark had a girlfriend. Mark, who was one year younger than Jungwoo, had a girlfriend and possibly had had one before that too. Jungwoo felt left out. Not because he didn’t know about the new people enriching his friends’ life, as they normally didn’t contact each other much between summers, more because he has never had one. No girl has interested him enough before to take as a partner or even do so much as kiss. There was one girl, he supposes, there must have been one.  
His thoughts wander and he thinks about Donghyuck, does he have one? Or Doyoung, even worse. He hoped that Mario had one. Well, he hoped that his girlfriend was Dora as they had been pining over each other the whole of the last summer and it was getting on his nerve to have to comfort Dora whenever Mario so much as looked in another girl’s direction. Doyoung was better at comforting her anyways.

Jungwoo knew what came after dinner. It was already dark outside, the sun having set about an hour ago but its heat still lingered everywhere, in the trees, in the ground, in the air, encircling the bodies and heating them up. It was even worse when there was heat already rising up from the inside due to alcohol or, god forbid, arousal for whatever reason. Jungwoo took as much as one glance at his mother and her flushed rosy cheeks to know it was time they seperated. The adults would go inside and talk about things adults talk about, probably politics, and the children, as Johnny liked to call everyone present younger than himself, would head down to the sea end spend the remainder of the evening there, more alcohol in the form of expensive and exquisite wine to be involved.  
They had no special spot at the sea, since it was well groomed and no rock or anything resembling one in sight, the sand seemed filtered and was white like the skin of the girl Johnny brought, Lydia, soft like hers probably was as well, not that Jungwoo cared. They picked up Donghyuck on the way down the street, his house being on the corner of the long road leading up to the hills and the main road separating the beach from the rest of the town. He didn’t comment on Mark’s absence which seemed odd to Jungwoo as the two were probably the closest out of all of them but he dismissed the thought as he guessed Mark has presumably already told Donghyuck about his whereabouts per telephone. They sat down in the sand, a bottle of _Lambrusco_ making its rounds. They, Johnny, Junghoon, Lydia and Donghyuck were talking, Jungwoo knew that much. The twins were at home. Jungwoo wasn’t listening, everything felt different, instead of Italian and Korean it was English, soley English, and instead of Mark it was Lydia. He was ripped out of his thinking or was it daydreaming, by Lydia. “You don’t talk much, do you?”, she asked, question obviously directed at him. Jungwoo prepared to answer, English more foreign than Italian to him, different than Johnny, when Junghoon cut in. His obnoxious and loud voice travelled through the calm night air: “He doesn’t. He never talks. All he does is read all day but that won’t find him a betty.” Junghoon laughed, like he always does when he thinks he said something remotely funny, which he never does. He laughs and doesn’t realise no one else is laughing, Jungwoo’s face is stone, he is used to Junghoon’s behaviour. He does talk, he just doesn’t know how most of the time. “I don’t talk that much. I prefer the quiet.”, he answers Lydia’s question and she smiles endearing, ignoring Junghoon’s answer, maybe she isn’t that unfriendly. They continue talking about some American celebrity Junghoon is overly enthusiastic about when Donghyuck, sitting next to Jungwoo, nudges him with his elbow and asks: “ _괜찮아요?_ Are you okay?”. Jungwoo nods, his friends, actual friends, care about his well-being and his feelings after all, he knows, and it is always nice to get a reminder. Jungwoo realises as the conversation flows that Donghyuck is more silent than usual, being used to his constant comments on everything, and he remembers that Donghyuck’s English isn’t really that great. Sure, he got better with Mark’s help and all the English words constantly flying over the table at shared dinners at the Kim’s, the Jung’s, the Lee’s or the Lee/Seo household but he is by no mean as fluent as the others are but Jungwoo thinks that maybe that isn’t the reason Donghyuck is quieter than usual.

-

The first time Doyoung came over was later than usual. It was their tradition, Doyoung would pop-up at the villa the day after the Kim family arrived, sometimes accompanied by one of their mutual friends, always around midday. This time it was late afternoon, close to dinner already, Jungwoo was lounging in his chair between the peach trees,reading some book he found in his father’s study but he wasn’t paying attention to the words, to distracted, waiting for Doyoung to finally arrive and end the miserable circle of thoughts Jungwoo was caught in. Doyoung took up a lot of his thoughts lately. Between last summer and this one he couldn’t stop thinking about the boy with the black hair, two years older than him. Jungwoo felt something during that time, something he would describe as longing, but for what, that he did not know.  
His head was hurting slightly, a constant pressure on his temple, the wine last evening. Alcohol did that to Jungwoo, minor dehydration and a headache that would last the day, even though he hadn’t been drinking all that much. Last night was calm, no one was overly drunk like so many other nights during summer, but Donghyuck threw up in the waves anyways, Junghoon laughing that the younger couldn’t hold his drinks although he wasn’t better himself.  
Jungwoo closed his eyes for a short second to block out the bright daylight when a pair of oddly cold hands laid over his face from behind the lounger, concealing the view. He knew it was Doyoung, no one else’s touch was as soft as his, as careful. Jungwoo couldn’t help himself from smiling a little, turned around as Doyoung lifted his hands and said: “Your hands are cold.” Jungwoo was closing his book, not caring on which site he left off, he hadn’t been paying attention anyways, and followed Doyoung with his gaze, who walked around the lounger and the dark, wooden side table, sitting down at the far edge of the chair after Jungwoo pulled his legs closer to his body in an attempt to create space, his shorts cutting into the skin of his thighs. “You dyed your hair.”, Doyoung spoke up, his voice not crossing a certain volume, low but tender. He threw a nod and glance in the general direction of Jungwoo’s head, whose hands started running through the dyed strands, a sandy brown that looked healthy unlike Lydia’s. “Yeah”, the younger fudged, “It was a stupid idea.”  
Doyoung scoffed and leaned back on his hands to soak in the afternoon sun. His skin was glistening like honey, the white band shirt, _ZZ Top_ , clinging to his body. It was a little big and no doubt Gongmyung’s. Doyoung didn’t even like _ZZ Top_. The dark haired moved his lips but Jungwoo was caught up in his head and didn’t catch the other’s words. Taken by surprise, he said “Huh?”  
“I said, it looks good on you, so don’t bother.”, Doyoung repeated and didn’t spare the younger a glance, face bathing in the sun, eyes closed.  
“Don’t bother with what?”, asked Jungwoo, not knowing what Doyoung was getting at.  
“Don’t bother thinking about it too much. I know you, and I know you do, so stop. It looks good, makes your face softer, a bit more feminine, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.” The dark haired stood up abruptly, pulled up his swimming trunks that had slid down a bit and glanced around the garden before holding out his hand to Jungwoo, who compiled and was pulled up and out of his sitting position. “It is good.”, Doyoung said and let go of the brunette’s hand, already turning away and Jungwoo didn’t know what he was referencing to, his hair or feminine looks or both, but his face heated up anyways.  
“We should go swimming.”, Doyoung decided.

Doyoung headed further into the garden, Jungwoo following him obedient, past the trees and the bushes, another china, and jumped over the metal fence that enclosed the property. Jungwoo hesitated and used the gate, rusty and green paint flaking off, to get past the barricade. Walking down a little further along seemingly endless plants was a lake, water darker instead of sky blue like the sea, hills on the other side making a different approach almost impossible, the trees mirrored by the fluid giving it a green tint. It was a soothing place, Jungwoo loved it there, no tourists, vacationers or other residents claiming the space surrounding the water. It was quiet, soothing even, apart from the wind rustling the leaves, the shade the trees provided cooled down their overheated bodies but couldn’t do a thing against the bearing humidity. Both of them came here often, sometimes with friends, sometimes alone when they wanted to be apart from loudness, volume and mass. Jungwoo remembers hours spent at the lake, he remembers Johnny, Doyoung, Junghoon and himself teaching Mark how to swim and a year later Donghyuck, he remembers Johnny desperately trying to build a landing stage out of branches so he could tumble off it into the water, impressing the girls that lived in town and took a swim nearby.  
He knows that it is also a place of a lot of firsts. Mark broke his arm for the first time at the lake. He tried to climb a tree after Donghyuck claimed he wouldn’t be able to and fell out of it less than 3 minutes in. It was a shock when Mark started crying and couldn’t stop, they all didn’t know what to do. Gongmyung, Doyoung’s brother was there too and being the oldest he took the situation in his own hands and carried Mark all the way back to the villa. Jungwoo remembers Doyoung saying something along the lines of _il dolore passa, l’imbarazzo dura per sempre_. Pain passes, embarrassment lasts forever. He must have been around 8 at that time.

There was a small area of grass that was not claimed by trees near the shore. Jungwoo tumbled out of his shoes and laid down in the green first. He wanted to wallow in the moment for a little longer, stretching his arms above his head, his shirt riding up a bit to expose his waistline. He could hear the other taking off his shirt and his shoes, throwing them on the ground carelessly.  
“Let’s come here tonight.”, the older broke the silence, “Instead of going to the sea, let’s come here.” A bit of rustling could be heard, Doyoung sat down next to Jungwoo, “It’s nicer here anyways.” The younger made a small hum of agreement, a small ray of sunshine that broke through the leaves tickling his face. He opened his eyes and searched for Doyoung who wasn’t looking in his direction but instead let his gaze wander over the lake. A kind of disappointment settled in Jungwoo’s stomach that he couldn’t control and was absolutely unnecessary but he couldn’t help but want for Doyoung to turn in his direction and look at him and him only. 

A short moment of silence fell over them, not at all unbearable, but rather comfortable. Jungwoo kept looking at Doyoung, who wasn’t looking at him, analyzing and taking in. His head did that sometimes, looking at every little detail and trying to figure out what it meant even as unimportant as it was.  
“Did you invite anyone?”, Jungwoo asked, trying to disturb his own thoughts. He knew Johnny, and Donghyuck would be coming, Junghoon too, and Johnny coming meant Lydia would be there. The people Jungwoo wasn’t so sure about were Doyoung’s other friends. Mario, Ciana and Dora. They were residents as well and had spent almost every summer with them, just weren’t that close to Jungwoo. He knew them, he knew their family and their occupation, their personality but it didn’t go much further than that. Doyoung, otherwise, spent his life with them, not just a few weeks of summer.  
“Ciana is coming. I don’t know about Mario and Dora, though.”, answered Doyoung and turned his head to the younger before giving a blinding grin and answering, “They finally hooked up, I suppose.”  
Jungwoo raised his eyebrows, Doyoung turned his gaze back to the water surface.  
“About time.”, the younger mumbled. It was weird hearing about the people he spent his time with, the ones that were his own age, having sex. Jungwoo always made sure to avoid that topic as much as possible and hoped to never get involved in one of the boys endless conversations about girls and their bodys and the way they moved and what not. He didn’t know what was wrong, but he was sure that something was different about him than most guys his age, as he wasn’t interested in reading porn magazines or girls at all. 

He did look at one once. It was Gongmyung’s, who was 18 and finally able to buy his own magazines. He showed it to Doyoung, who was 16 and knew about porn and girls and had had his first kiss already, and Jungwoo happened to be present, suffocating in the older brother’s stuffy room that was clouded with cigarette smoke. By Doyoung’s face, when Gongmyung first held up the paper, and his glance in the youngest direction Jungwoo could tell that his friend was interested in his reaction to the naked bodies covering page after page after page considering he had never seen such things before. Doyoung snatched the magazin out of his brother’s hand, who scoffed, like his younger brother always did, and lit himself a cigarette, sitting down on the window still, the glass wide open and letting in fresh but clammy and sticky air. His friend looked at Jungwoo and opened a random page showing a naked woman sitting on a chair, her legs spread in an obscene manner, hands and arms crossing in front of her private parts, blocking the sight and grabbing the edge of the chair. Her boobs were big and Jungwoo was sure way above average, squished together by her arms. Her hair fell in long waves around her shoulders, she was wearing lipstick on her lips and heels on her feet and she was absolutely not arousing to Jungwoo. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to feel but whatever it was he wasn’t feeling it. His face remained unmoved, not giving away his inner conflict, not showing any sign of reaction. He glanced over at Doyoung who viewed the page while biting his lip, scanning the girl from top to bottom and Jungwoo could tell that his pupils were blown, wide and dark. Something tightened inside of Jungwoo but it dissolved when Gongmyung started talking. “Like what you see?”, he said and Doyoung answered fast, “Fuck, she’s hot.”, followed by mindless flicking through the pages and throwing the magazine to the ground when he reached the end. They went on with their day and neither of the brothers commented on his lack of response and he was thankful because he knew that Doyoung must have noticed something was off.

The older stood up all of sudden. “We are going swimming.”, he said, sight set straight and not turning back to check if Jungwoo was following him. Of course he was.

The water was warm and not at all refreshing, Jungwoo doubted for a moment why they even came here instead of going to the beach where the water was much cooler but then he remembered the crowds of people that would be there during the day. The lake felt much colder suddenly. They swam for a long time, until their skin was wrinkly and when they went back to the villa, walking on the grass covered ground, Doyoung stopped and turned around when the villa was already in sight, Jungwoo almost crashing into him, looking at the older with a puzzled expression, eyebrows drawn together and words in his throat which he swallowed when Doyoung started stroking wet strands out of his face, their eyes at level due to the same body height. The older’s fingers were grazing his hair and sometimes brushing his skin, the movements were careful and slow, his face seemed concentrated on the task and eyes avoiding Jungwoo’s face all together whereas the younger himself let his gaze wander over Doyoung’s features while breathing became harder, and his heart was beating faster, but he couldn’t stop himself from watching, from looking, his brain not working the way he wanted it to right now, no thoughts, just emotions swimming inside.  
Doyoung let up and pulled away, saying, “There was a leaf.”, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and continued walking to the villa. Jungwoo stood there, peach trees around him, eyes wide and breathing still irritated. He felt like dying and flying at the same time.

-

Jungwoo should have known. He should have known the moment his thoughts while masturbating centered around hands rather than a body or face, hands that touched his hair, his face, his lips, tracing along his spine. Hands that were bigger than his own and much more experienced, instead of the trembling ones’ of a cute girl his own age. He never thought about it, that he should be thinking about girls, the ones on TV or in magazines, girls he knew or girls he wanted to know, it was always just hands, and hands had no gender without a person accompanying them. But maybe he suppressed that the hands touching his naked body were unmistakably rough, and big, and male and never female. He really should have known the moment he realised the naked body of a woman did absolutely nothing for him.

Jungwoo was laying on his unmade bed, on top of the sheets, a book was next to him but he couldn’t even think about picking it up and reading it, too distracted and caught up in his own head, in thoughts of his older friend with his black hair and smooth skin, the way he looked after he emerged out of the water that afternoon, droplets clinging to his body, pushing his wet hair back. Jungwoo couldn’t stop speculating what it would be like to reach out and touch the skin of the older’s biceps and chest, to rest his arms on the other’s broad shoulders and to just lean in and kiss, taking what he so desperately wants. Jungwoo was feeling hot, the heat and arousal getting to him. He has never felt like this before, emotions and feelings mixing with lust, it was different and new.

The loud ringing of a bell announcing it was time for dinner brought him back to earth and he realised his fantasies could never become reality, Doyoung liked girls, he has always liked girls and even if he liked boys in some bizzare alternative reality he would never be into someone like Jungwoo, quiet and shy and boring. And all of this was impossible anyways. Being into men was wrong, everyone thought so, but why did it feel so right? Jungwoo’s newfound feelings held a deep fear that was always present, one that could not be ripped out and that he had to live with for his whole life. And fuck, Jungwoo rarely cursed unlike Mark who let those word slip out like any other, but he was in love with Doyoung Kim and it was ruining him.

Jungwoo stood up and headed down the heavy and expensive stairs to attend dinner, set by Agata on the usual table under the china. Johnny was already there, next to him Lydia, her hair braided and wearing a beautiful white dress, and Donghyuck was present to, glancing in Lydia’s direction from time to time. Jungwoo could tell she looked beautiful, even if he wasn’t into her or her body at all, but the youngest fidgety behaviour was strange and did not fit him at all. Maybe he was nervous about having to speak in English the whole dinner or he felt unwell without Mark supporting him from one seat further. Jungwoo sat down opposite of the couple, the Jung’s absent as they were invited to a dinner at some architects house a few streets north. His parents were on either side of Jungwoo, however their presence could not stop him from glancing at Johnny and Lydia during dinner, the way they whispered and talked, feeding each other or exchanging skinship, Johnny holding her hand under the table, stroking a strand of hair out of her face (it reminded him of Doyoung that afternoon), displaying affection without worry about who would see them. Jungwoo felt miserable watching something he could never have, his mood down since Doyoung had left and let him alone with his thoughts only the older could stop.  
Jungwoo excused himself quickly after having finished the last course, he said he was feeling sick, probably the fish, and went upstairs in long strides until he reached his bathroom where he leant on the sink, his hands supporting him and he couldn’t stop himself from crying, the frustration and emotions of having figured out his own sexuality and attraction to his friend over the course of one day crashed down all at once. His mother once said, “ _Du bist nahe am Wasser gebaut_. You are built close to water.” and Jungwoo guessed it meant something along the lines of him crying easily. He clenched his hands on the edge of the sink as a pitiful sound rose from his throat and he didn’t reatrain it. What would his mother say?

-

When Jungwoo went downstairs Ciana and Doyoung were already standing in the vast hallway accompanied by a girl he has seen before but does not know by name. She was smaller than Ciana and her hair darker, almost resembling Doyoung’s, her back turned to Jungwoo and viewing the copy of Michelangelo’s _The Creation of Adam_ his mother had hung up on the first day at the villa mere weeks before Jungwoo was born. It was late evening already and one was able to hear Mr. and Mrs. Kim talking in the lounge with someone else, probably Donghyuck’s parents. They got along well. 

Agata had called him down, exclaiming that his friends had arrived, scolding him not to be home too late. She was the only one ever complaining about the nightly adventures he and the others went on, Jungwoo’s mother not bothering and trusting her son endlessly, his father not caring as long as he didn’t land himself in hospital or did something stupid like vandalize the sumptuous hotels along the beach.

“Is that Michelangelo?”, the unknown girl spoke up and turned around, looking at Jungwoo who was still standing at the bottom of the stairs, her eyes widening. The boy leaned against the banister with one hand but before he was able to answer Doyoung declared, “Yes. The _Creation of Adam_. Jungwoo’s favourite besides the _David_ ” 

Jungwoo looked at the older who was grinning, making him smile as well. “Right. 1508 until 1512. Fresco. His most popular one, probably.” Ciana rolled her eyes at their exchange, clutching to her beach bag. The girl stepped forward to Jungwoo and introduced herself as Annie. “Impressive. I am really interested in art. I want to become an artist myself one day.”  
She didn’t look like someone who was interested in cultural things but Jungwoo knew better than to judge a book by its cover. Annie was watching the brunette’s every move all the while smiling to herself what made Jungwoo uncomfortable but Doyoung interrupted her staring by saying, “And which do you like the best?” making her return her attention to the other two present, “ _Madonna and Child_. It’s a statue.”  
Jungwoo jumped down the last step, finally free of her gazes and stood next to Doyoung who seemingly tried to converse with the girl, “I wasn’t aware that you knew so much about art. I prefer his painting on the _Sistine Chapel ceiling_.” making Jungwoo giggle dumbly, hiding behind his hand, gaining attention from all three, both girls not getting the stupid inside joke that was born years ago. Doyoung was smiling at him, clearly remembering himself calling the _Sistine Chapel ceiling_ ‘A bunch of dudes with their dicks out’.  
Ciana rolled her eyes once again and said, “We should get going.”, while turning in direction of the back door, “The others are waiting.”

When they arrived at the lake the summer sun had finally set and it was dark, not pitch dark but distinguishing colors from one another became much harder. The air was humid and warm, wrapping itself around one like a fluffy blanket in front of the fireplace in winter, clinging, enclosing one and making them feel almost claustrophobic. Taking in air was like breathing in bath water, lungs filling with moisture. Johnny put up some torches in a circle, the patch of grass seemingly magical, as if they were to hold a ritual. Ciana took a blanket out of her bag and set it on the ground where she and her friend immediately sat down. Lydia and Johnny had brought their own but left some space for Donghyuck, who was still behaving odd, quiet and calm almost absent, to sit. Doyoung grabbed Jungwoo by the arm and pulled him down to sit on Ciana’s blanket next to him, a wine bottle already in his other hand and Johnny, the oldest of the bunch, joking about his alcohol intake.  
“This is nice.”, Ciana said and grinned right before taking her top off to reveal the bathing suit underneath, leaning back on her hands after having taken a sip of the wine. It was nothing unusual to lay around in just the bikini top but Lydia gave the impression that she was bothered by it, probably because of her boyfriend, Jungwoo thought.  
“Mario and Dora will come later. Junghoon too, right?”, the curly haired girl said and Doyoung gave a acknowledging hum. And they sat there waiting for the alcohol to work, for them to feel something else but calmness and boredom but that was summer, lazing around and just being in each others presence constantly, waiting for summer to be over, but not wanting it to end at the same time.

After some time Jungwoo felt slightly lightheaded, being someone who didn’t take wine well, and layed down looking at the stars, getting distracted, trying to distract himself from Doyoung, who changed places with Annie while winking at Jungwoo, the girl now sitting next to him. It bothered Jungwoo, tugged at his heart that his friend tried to hook him up with the girl that was obviously interested in him or at least found him attractive. He felt uncomfortable with her efforts to flirt, not because he was arrogant but due to him feeling self conscious, not understanding her motive, doubting her honesty, and simply not being into her. But he couldn't turn it down either and exclaim that he would much rather stay next to Doyoung, preferably the whole night. The black haired girl laid down next to him and suggested going swimming, which sounded nice, water cooling down his overheated body sounded nice and he nodded, Annie already up on her feet and pulling him to stand. They walked down a bit to the shore, she took off her light dress, swaying from side to side, more drunk than Jungwoo had thought her to be. He steadied her, holding her forearm and letting go when she was finished, taking off his own shirt, already wearing swimming trunks. She was giggling while entering the lukewarm water and Jungwoo followed her.  
When they weren’t able to reach the bottom with their feet anymore, Jungwoo swam next to her and asked, “How come you’ve never spent the summer with us before?” Annie stopped and turned on her back, floating in the water, her pale skin shining in the moonlight. She told him about her parents, how they divorced recently and how they couldn’t keep up with their bills anymore, how they couldn’t drive south every summer anymore, all because her father was into gambling, tearing himself and his family down and apart. She was talkative but Jungwoo didn’t blame her. It was hard keeping all those things inside, he knew that, he wanted someone to talk to, and the alcohol breaking down the barriers made everything easier. Annie was nice, and really kind. She talked about her father in a respectful way even though he had let down their family and caused them to split, she didn’t want to hurt him despite him not being present. She didn’t cry. She was too nice, inside and out, from what one could see and what one could not.  
Needless to say, Jungwoo didn’t expect it, after her ranting about her family, a rather sad topic, keeping a good metre of distance between the two. He didn’t expect her to swim up to him and kiss him, no hesitation. Jungwoo was shocked, his eyes wide, while her small, too small, hand clinged on his wet shoulders. They were still in the water, but the ground back under their feet, and he felt nothing, nothing spectacular or abnormal, it was just lips on his and nothing else, no feeling to it. He somehow expected more from his first kiss. It could have been romantic, in the lake with the moon reflecting on the water surface, and maybe she felt that it was but Jungwoo certainly did not. For him it was just confirming his feeling even further. He really wasn’t into girls, their hands are too small, they are too soft and round, no edges, no roughness. They were missing something Jungwoo wanted.

Jungwoo pulled away, a little more sober than Annie, and he was getting ready to apologize, that he just wasn’t interested but the words were stuck in his throat, never having turned anyone down before. He must have looked terrified.  
Annie took it into her hands instead, she slapped her hands on his shoulders once, before removing them altogether, a sigh leaving her and her eyes roaming along the shore. “It’s okay.”, she said and looked at Jungwoo again, “You can reject me. It was Ciana’s idea anyways.”  
Jungwoo was confused. He wanted to ask her what was Ciana’s idea but Annie kept on speaking, rambling again, “She told me you’ve never kissed anyone before and she was really determined to change it this summer. I don’t really know why she was so keen on it but I volunteered. Ciana was really happy about it and told me alot about you. I kind of got the feeling that she wanted to set us up-”, Annie let out an awkward giggle,”-but I didn’t really want that. I just wanted to kiss you and get over with it honestly. But when I met you it kind of changed.”  
“What do you mean?”, Jungwoo asked. It was still way to warm but he shivered anyways. Annie hesitated, uncomfortable with whatever it was she was about to say.  
“You are really good looking, you know?”, Jungwoo could feel his face heating up, his cheeks itching, “Your lips- And kind too. You listened to me so nicely and didn’t interrupt me and you are into art, like me. I thought I should give it a shot but obviously you are not interested.”  
She seemed disappointed but not bitter about it. Jungwoo could her Junghoon screaming, both’s heads turned to the direction of the patch of grass lit by the torches where his cousin had arrived. Annie indicated that they should go back and greet the others, leaving the water already when she was stopped by Jungwoo as they were about mid-thigh. She turned and Jungwoo told her, “You are really nice. Pretty as well. It’s just that- I really can’t do it.” He wanted to keep talking, stuttering out excuses that were the truth, so close to the truth, skirting around it, when she motioned for him to stop and simply said, “It’s okay. You don’t have to explain yourself.”, before turning and leaving the water all together.

Junghoon was drunk. He had just arrived but was drunk out of his mind after the dinner he had with his parents. Mario and Dora were glued to each other’s side, sitting on Ciana’s blanket, the owner gone, out of sight and Doyoung with her, Junghoon tried to lay down without falling over and hurting himself. Jungwoo didn’t like that. Doyoung was gone with Ciana doing god knows what, his cousin drunk and annoying as usual and couples surrounding him. He was about to excuse himself to go pee when he spotted two dark figures in the water, arms around one another, kissing in the water just like Jungwoo and Annie did before but with much more passion. He felt sick to his stomach, and he hated the impact his dark haired friend and every single one of his actions had on him.

Even worse was that Junghoon spotted the couple in the water as well and cheered on them from the shore which made both of them retreat, embarrassed and clearly drunk stumbling out of the water. Doyoung’s body looked like a god under the moonlight, Jungwoo thought and he knew he was exaggerating but that’s what it felt like to him.

-

“I hate that.”, Doyoung said, eyes squinting as the sun was bright that day. He sat at the small round table next to the pool in Seo-Lee household’s garden, smaller than the Kim’s one but better kept by their gardener, next to him Jungwoo, who looked up from his book at the older’s words. It was close to the end of his first week in Italy, the sun was burning in the sky, everything felt heavy and sweaty, unbearable. Johnny and Lydia were sitting at the edge of the pool, feet in the water, playfully shoving each other and whatnot. Jungwoo didn’t really bother with their couple behaviour. Donghyuck was sitting nearby and playing some card game with Junghoon on a blanket in the grass, his skin was beautifully tanned and glowing in the sun, everyone else a few shades paler than he was. They knew that Donghyuck wasn’t particularly fond of his skin tone and getting darker much faster than all of his friends but they were all envious of him as he seemed to fit the mediterranean sun much better than any of them, radiating like he belonged there whenever the sun shined on him. Mark always made sure to compliment him every summer which made Donghyuck unusually flustered.  
The twins were there as well, Junghoon forced by his parents to take them with him and entertain them so the adults could spend some time alone. They were eating ice cream and running around the carefully cut bushes and colorful flower beds, mindless of their picture perfect surrounding.

“Okay, hate might have been a bit strong. I don’t like it.” Jungwoo didn’t understand what Doyoung was referring to. Was he really that bothered by the twins being loud and destroying the atmosphere of paradise that laid upon them? 

“What do you mean?”, Jungwoo asked. Doyoung leaned back in his chair, his face painted with annoyance and a cold shudder ran down Jungwoo’s back at the sight. He knew the older was an expressive person, usually, as he could be cold as stone when he wanted no one to know how he thought about certain, risky, things. 

“Them.”, he made a quick gesture with his chin in the direction of the couple sitting with their feet in the pool, “They display so much affection. I don’t get it.” Doyoung could immediately tell that Jungwoo had no idea why he thought so. He rushed to explain himself, “They are always together and showing off what they have.”

“Don’t you think-”, Jungwoo started, put his book, something _Dante_ had written, down on the table and turned his body in his chair in Doyoung’s direction as much as he could, “-that they are just really proud of what they have. They don’t want to hide it and want to show affection to each other as much as possible. They don’t get tired of each other and want to spend time with one another no matter where. I think I would like that, too.” He could see Doyoung’s expression changing into mild shock. Jungwoo had never mentioned wanting a relationship or anything akin to that before and the surprise showed.

Doyoung shrugged after he recovered. “I don’t think you get what I mean. I just wouldn’t want to declare my love for someone so publicly. The affection you give and the words that you say would lose their meaning with everyone around you knowing them and having heard about it a thousand times. Being close in private, sharing what you have alone is much more personal to me, and so much more meaningful. Everyone knows you love each other but no one knows how much and to what extent. That’s what I would want.”, Doyoung said and he had leaned forward in his chair, elbows resting on the table while talking but after he finished he let himself fall into the backrest and grabbed his white shirt, fanning himself with it in an attempt to cool his warm body.  
Jungwoo was thinking and he couldn’t stop, caught up on what Doyoung had said. That was what Doyoung wanted of an relationship, little public skinship but emotions shared only between each other. Jungwoo had never thought about the older that way. He had always assumed he like to show off as his past girlfriends and he were always very open to kiss and flirt in public but to know that there was something much deeper going on behind the scenes made Jungwoo’s heart beat fast and he couldn’t help but to think of himself and Doyoung as boyfriends, everyone knowing there was something between them but no one could pinpoint exactly how deep it all ran, no one would know of the touches and kisses in private that held so much more emotion and, “I’ve never thought about it that way.”, he said. Doyoung scoffed, but it was a friendly one, not one to mock Jungwoo, he never did that unlike Junghoon who liked to tease and borderline bully his younger cousin.

“No wonder. For how smart you are, you can be really dense sometimes.”, Doyoung said and ripped the younger out of his daze. Jungwoo made a questioning sound and Doyoung continued talking, “You see many things others don’t, you observe and notice but you don’t know what the things you’ve found out mean. You don’t consider what lays beyond the obvious.” Jungwoo didn’t know if he should feel offended. “Don’t worry,”, Doyoung said, “I find it very endearing.” The youngers face heat up and he felt embarrassed. Doyoung thought of him being naive as endearing and Jungwoo considered that the other said it just to kill him with his words because Jungwoo was sure if someone could do that it would be Doyoung.

“Look at Donghyuck for example.”, Doyoung started and Jungwoo did. The boy sat on the blanket Johnny’s mother had provided, playing cards, Golf, with Junghoon. He was wearing a white long sleeved shirt despite the heat and shorts. He must be overheating like that, Jungwoo thought. But it was nothing out of the usual as the younger often made questionable fashion choices. Jungwoo returned his attention back to Doyoung and nodded, signaling him to move on. “He has been not himself lately. Quiet, not talking as much, softer somehow, almost vulnerable.”, Doyoung continued. So he had notice that something was off too and Jungwoo wasn’t the only one. “Why do you think that is?”, the older asked.

“I thought maybe he is missing Mark, and with Lydia being here and all of us talking in English most of the time he must feel uncomfortable. His English isn’t that good. He’s been staring at her too.”, Jungwoo said, interested in what Doyoung concluded about Donghyuck’s behaviour. The older nodded, “That might play in on it. But he has been weird before he knew about Lydia. I was there when Johnny told him about Mark’s girlfriend, you know?” No, Jungwoo did not know and he also had no idea that Doyoung apparently went to Donghyuck’s before he came to Jungwoo and he felt irritated at that even though it was only logical as the Kim’s always arrived a few days later than everyone else but it made his gut wrench nonetheless.

Doyoung seemed hesitant about what he was to say next but he overplayed it with confidence, “Donghyuck and Mark.”, he didn’t know how to phrase it, “Last summer-”. Doyoung stopped talking altogether as he looked in Jungwoo’s face and all confidence left him, he laid open in front of Jungwoo, who had no idea what was happening and couldn’t sort in the older’s nervousness at all but the truth was that he was scared of Jungwoo’s response. “Forget it.”, Doyoung said and stood up, asking everyone if the wanted something to drink before retreating into the house. 

Jungwoo had no idea what just happened and didn’t understand Doyoung and his stupid cryptic messages at all. Why was he so nervous and unsure all of sudden? It was unlike him as he radiated confidence most times, being the centre of attention wherever he went, at least in Jungwoo’s eyes.

-

The first time something happened that made Jungwoo think “This is the best summer of my life” was when Mark was back. He had been back for a few days now and graced them all with his contagious laughter and good mood. He only talked about his girlfriend infront of their parents but kept her out of any conversations with his friends which Jungwoo was really thankful for because whenever her name dropped Donghyuck looked like he wanted to vomit, which made Jungwoo think about what it was that Doyoung wanted to tell him the other day about last summer, and he was decent other than Johnny who was glued to Lydia, and Mario and Dora who wouldn’t stop making out in front of everyone, not stopping, not even to breath. Ciana joked that they would die of suffocation soon and she wouldn’t have to bear their affection for each other anymore.

All of them were by the lake. It was night again and the air was warm but not nearly as warm as the other days they got drunk at the water as it had rained that morning. The sky was clear and stars sparkled above them and they were wasted, celebrating Mark’s return after everyone was kind of busy the other nights and this was the first one they all could come together.

It was the first time that summer something happened that made Jungwoo feel more than just content. It made him truly happy and all of it developed so fast and ran past him like a passing train it felt almost unreal. Doyoung had taken Jungwoo’s hand and pulled him along the lake to a different spot, somewhere hidden between trees and bushes but close to the water and they sat down, the grass dry from the morning rain as the sun was working overtime during the day. They stumbled to sit down, and Doyoung threw himself to the ground almost brutally, too drunk to coordinate. Jungwoo had laughed at him but was pulled down by the shoulder to lay on the ground next to the older who laid on his side, head propped up by his hand. He was staring at Jungwoo, intently, and didn’t bother to hide it, probably too out of it to care but Jungwoo felt put on the spot, squirmed uncomfortably. “What are you doing?”, he asked, head swimming and words tumbling out before his mind could process them.

“You are pretty.”, Doyoung said and Jungwoo blushed but the night hid the redness really well. He couldn’t feel the reaction his body was giving but he was sure that his heart was beating way too fast. “ _Carino_. Cute.”, Doyoung said before he suddenly changed the topic, “Did you and Annie kiss?”

The question left Jungwoo despite his condition perplexed. He didn’t know what to answer even though the most obvious one was yes, but Jungwoo really didn’t want to count the kiss with Annie as one, even less as his first. Jungwoo just nodded, to embarrassed. It was all new, talking about feelings and intimacy. He had heard about it before, Junghoon always talking his ear off about the hookups he had had and Doyoung had told him about his past girlfriends and kisses and all the other details as well but talking about it yourself was something different entirely.

“Oh,” Doyoung said. His skin was shining in the moonlight. Jungwoo couldn’t help himself but to think about how romantic it would be if they kissed right now, under the stars and so different from Annie, so much more meaningful. “That’s unfortunate.”

Doyoung’s eyes were lining out Jungwoo’s features, who was frowning, obvious to the others attempts. He wanted to ask, wanted to open his mouth but before any sound could leave him Doyoung started talking again and it left Jungwoo mute, “I wanted to be your first kiss.”  
Jungwoo’s brain wasn’t cooperating, he was sure he was overheating and something inside of him just broke, not in a bad way. Doyoung wanted to kiss him. He wanted to kiss him. He might even like him back. All he could think of was what Doyoung had just said and the alcohol and heat took its toll in him along with the overwhelming feelings washing up on his body like waves, leaving him breathless and tense. Doyoung seemingly noted Jungwoo’s uncertainty and asked him, after he had gathered the courage up inside of himself, “Can I?”

Jungwoo could only answer a meek, “What?” still too caught up on what Doyoung said, his thoughts not cooperating. “Kiss you?”, Doyoung asked and Jungwoo nodded softly. He really wanted that.

Doyoung leaned forward and everything happened so fast, too fast, when Jungwoo had pictured this situation everything was always occuring slow, like a trance, a dream passing by in slow-motion. But Doyoung’s lips were on his before he could realize that all of this was reality, that he was laying in the grass under the moonlight and the older leaning over him, locking their mouths. Doyoung’s lips were soft. It was so different, Jungwoo had his eyes closed and decided to just feel the moment, Doyoung’s right hand coming up to hold the side of his face, his thumb brushing over Jungwoo’s cheekbone, the other one supporting his weight. All worries about not being accepted and his uncertainty about his sexuality washed away because it felt so good, it felt so right, it could never be wrong.

Doyoung pulled away to take a breath and Jungwoo opened his eyes to the other’s looking into his, sinking down to the bottom. His breath smelt kind of like alcohol but Jungwoo knew that he was the same and it didn’t bother him the slightest, nothing bothered him. Doyoung closed his eyes and leaned in again, locking their lips once again but this time less innocent, with more fire behind it and it was hot, the heat was spreading up Jungwoo’s arms which he wrapped around the older’s neck to pull him closer. Doyoung was moving his mouth and Jungwoo didn’t know what to do, he had never kissed anyone like that before but he couldn’t bring himself to worry about it, everything was perfect and it wasn’t like Doyoung was in the dark about the younger’s inexperience. He sucked at Jungwoo’s bottom lip slightly while pulling away, freeing a small mewl out of the others throat and took a good look at him. He was laying there, face blushed due to alcohol and Doyoung himself, sandy hair fanning around his head, eyes closed and plush lips red. “Fuck”, Doyoung let out quietly and Jungwoo opened his eyes, he feared to see regret and shame upon the other’s face but he wanted to know so badly and hoped the other had like it as much as he did, but his worries were useless as Doyoung was smiling down at him, blinding.  
Jungwoo laughed quietly.  
“What?”, Doyoung asked, smile still gracing his face with no mean to fade. The younger shook his head, “It’s just- I’m really happy right now.” Doyoung’s smile widened and he leaned down to give Jungwoo a quick peck on the lips and Jungwoo’s body was about to combust, his fingers tingling excitedly. “You are going to kill me.”, Doyoung said, but he still looked pleased.

-

After that Doyoung came to him whenever the two were alone in a room and there was no chance that anyone could barge in unexpectedly and kissed him, sometimes just a small touch of lips but sometimes much more than that. There was still the underlying fear of being caught by someone, anyone, but Jungwoo was too happy with Doyoung to think about it too much, the other’s presence making him feel content and calm even more so than before their first drunk kiss. Doyoung confessed to him that night, that he had planned it. He had went out and looked for the ideal spot and he had thought about it many times but in the end he was nervous and unsure because no matter how much of an expressive person Jungwoo was, some things were hard to figure out like his stance towards homosexuality in general, the fear of being treated badly overbearing the one of being rejected. Doyoung said that he liked girls too, the thing he had with Ciana was nothing but that, a thing. He could break it off anytime and there were no feelings involved from either side, the girl not really interested in anything romantic, it was purely physical and just for entertainment. Doyoung couldn’t stop talking once he had started and Jungwoo was listening intently to every word that left his lips. Doyoung told him about how Gongmyung knew he liked boys. He had told him when Doyoung was 17 and lanky as ever, finally having hit his last growth spurt and he could not stop thinking about Jungwoo even after the summer had ended so he went out and kissed a boy to confirm his assumptions. He told him about finding Donghyuck crying by the lake one afternoon last summer and how he felt the need to protect the younger after he confessed that he and Mark had kissed one night at the beach. Donghyuck had initiated it and all Mark did was run away, according to Doyoung, but all of that made him realise that there are more people like him and that there were even more that would accept him for who he was.

Doyoung didn’t press Jungwoo to talk about himself. He could tell that the younger was still uncomfortable with the topic when it was pointed at him, that he was unsure and still exploring what all of it meant but he assured him that it was okay and that he should take his time and talk whenever he was ready to. 

They were caught. One time. It was the third week since the Kim’s arrival and Mrs Kim had walked in on Doyoung back hugging Jungwoo in the kitchen who was making a smoothie from the peaches that grew in the garden. Jungwoo was frustrated because the mixer wasn’t working and Doyoung was taking his chin in his hand, turned his head to the side and kissed him on the forehead while mumbling “ _Carino_ ” and when Jungwoo opened his eyes his mother was standing there, her arms crossed but she didn’t seem angry or shocked or anything like that but rather pleased, a smile upon her lips.  
When she sought him out that evening she was quick to engulf her son in a hug and ruffle his hair lovingly and told him that she had suspected it and that he should never feel ashamed to come to her or his father, they both loved their son no matter the circumstances and they would never leave him behind but he should talk to her whenever he felt ready to, she wanted to know her son’s feelings and everything he thought about, she wanted him to trust her.

Jungwoo cried in her arms that night and they held each other for a long time.

 

-

“I have always talked more with you than with anyone else.”, Doyoung stated, his arms wrapped around Jungwoo’s shoulders, who was laying on top of him, face squished to the older’s chest, “Anyone but my brother of course.”

“Why?”

“I think it is because I have the feeling that you get me. You understand what I say and you always listen so well. Not everyone does that.” Doyoung stroked some of Jungwoo’s hair away from his temple and kissed the area before he let his head fall back down on the white pillow. The window was open, under it the garden and one could her Mr Kim talking to Lydia and Johnny in English but it was impossible to make out the exact words. A slight breeze was flowing in the otherwise stuffy room, doing nothing to cool their warm skin. They laid on the queen sized bed and bathed in each others presence.

“I understand them now.”, Jungwoo said suddenly. Doyoung wanted to ask who he meant but he was sure it was about Lydia and Johnny and there were no more words needed. “I do too.”

Jungwoo rose up slightly to kiss Doyoung and buried his hands in the older’s shirt who deepened the kiss as they did so often nowadays, tongues meeting and exploring each other, tasting one another. Doyoung wanted to pull away after some time put Jungwoo followed him and didn’t let off, he placed smaller kisses on Doyoung’s mouth instead and used one hand to pull the others head closer to him and deepen the kiss again. Doyoung was kind of confused. He like Jungwoo, of course he did, a lot, but he wanted to keep kissing and the older could tell that he was antsy and nervous, his hands shaking slightly so he took both his hand and intertwined them with his own which did not much to calm him but Doyoung finally had the chance to pull away and ask what is going on, “Is everything okay?”

Jungwoo nodded, fast and eager, cheeks painted pink and he was avoiding eye contact. Doyoung kept intently staring at the youngers face, trying to convey a message until he gave in. “I was just wondering if-”, Jungwoo stopped and looked around nervously, he pulled his hands from Doyoung’s and grabbed the front of the other’s shirt again, “If I could blow you?”

And that surprised Doyoung. He knew Jungwoo was a complete virgin and they haven’t done anything remotely below the waistline yet. He was excited, yes, but also worried that Jungwoo felt the need to please him solely because he thought he had to and not out of own desire. Doyoung started stroking the younger’s hair back, exposing his forehead for him to kiss. “Don’t you think it is too early for that?”, he asked, giving Jungwoo a questioning look. He was looking at him again, the sparkle in his dark brown eyes slowly fading told Doyoung that he said something to upset the younger. He kissed his nose to calm him and started rubbing up and down Jungwoo’s back who leaned into the touch subtly. Jungwoo looked to the side before asking, “You don’t want to? I mean-”  
“No.”, Doyoung interrupted, “It’s just you’ve never had sex before and I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything you don’t actually want to do.” Jungwoo started grinning at the other’s words, a smile spreading slowly across his lips. He grabbed his neck and pulled him down so they lips could meet in the middle, just a quick peck. “Believe me, I really want to.”, he said with a glow in his eye that made Doyoung roll over so Jungwoo was on his back and under him on the soft mattress, his arms caging the younger in. Jungwoo pulled the older down by the front of his shirt after having looked into each other's eyes for a moment and they went back to making out, Doyoung sucking on Jungwoo’s bottom lip softly, making the younger let out a small moan. 

“Fuck, you are so hot.”, Doyoung breathed into the space between them after they seperated for a moment but he went down again and kissed along Jungwoo’s neck shortly after, sucking at the juncture where his throat met his shoulder, which left Jungwoo gasping and grabbing at the older’s shirt harder. He had no idea it could feel this good having another person kissing and sucking along his exposed skin, having only ever felt this kind of intimacy in his own dreams or fantasies. The reality was so much better.

Doyoung pulled himself up so he could look at Jungwoo under him, his hair a mess and lips red and slightly swollen from the kissing, his skin glowing golden in the light of the setting sun. The youngers eyes were wide and wondering. His heart skipped a beat at the sight and he let out a sigh. Jungwoo’s hands were trying to pull him back down but Doyoung resisted. “You really want to, huh?”, Doyoung raised an eyebrow teasingly, “Have you thought about it?” The bluntness and confidence of the older made Jungwoo nervous. He knew that he was just teasing him and he didn’t really have to answer if he did not want to but the thought of telling Doyoung, of letting him know about his fantasies made a shiver run down his spine. Of course Jungwoo had thought about it, about Doyoung sitting on the edge of the bed, Jungwoo in front of him down on his knees and the weight of the others dick on his tongue. Doyoung on top of him similar to the way he was in that moment but he would be buried deep inside the younger, making him cry out and clutch at the bedspread, back arching. He had even tried fingering himself but it was awkward, the angle not right and making his wrist sore, locked in the bathroom out of fear that someone would walk in on him. It wasn’t that pleasuring at first, Jungwoo continuously stroking his own dick to make up for the pain and uncomfortableness he felt but he was kind of sensitive and one light stroke to his prostate that happened on accident sent him over the edge, legs quivering and not stopping until ten minutes later when he could finally stand again without having to grip the wall as support.

“Yes”, Jungwoo finally said, eyes still locked with Doyoung, “I’ve thought about it a lot.” Jungwoo could see the other’s eyes becoming darker and his face turning from teasing grin to something else entirely. Jungwoo felt put on spot with Doyoung watching him like that and his eyes roaming along his face but it turned him on, it made his soft dick harden and his hands grab the older’s neck to pull him down a notch. “I’ve-”, despite his newly found confidence he hesitated, “I’ve fingered myself while thinking about it.” 

In his mind that statement had sounded a lot hotter but Doyoung was moaning nonetheless, a deep sound coming from his chest and Jungwoo’s face had to be red like the overripe peaches that were left on the trees in the garden at the end of the summer.  
Doyoung leaned down to capture his lips in a short kiss before his hands wandered down Jungwoo’s sides to his waistline, a finger running along the exposed skin there which made the younger shiver. Their breaths were mixed in the space between them as Doyoung said, “Can I?”. Jungwoo was not sure what he was referring to, too caught up in the moment and way too excited. “What?”

“Finger you.”, Doyoung said still thumbing the buttons on the other’s shorts and Jungwoo felt heat running over him like a wave, heart thumping way to hard. He nodded eagerly and shortly after Doyoung opened the button and pulled the zipper down, both of them trying to free Jungwoo of the jeans shorts, successfully. Doyoung went straight to kissing Jungwoo’s neck again, occasionally sucking lightly at the skin, his hands running along the younger’s sides, reaching the bulge in his boxers and stroking over it, making Jungwoo gasp and moan out loud, arching into the touch, hands gripping Doyoung’s broad shoulders tightly. This was so much better than his fantasies.

They split for a second so Doyoung could take off his shirt, throwing it on the floor carelessly and Jungwoo was staring at his body. He had seen him shirtless before while lazing around in the garden or whenever they went swimming in the sea or anytime the heat became too unbearable, Doyoung would pull his shirt over his head but this was different, he was so much closer and could touch what was out of reach before. Doyoung went back to kissing, this time slowly down the younger’s neck and torso while Jungwoo was stroking along his shoulders and down his biceps which were defined but not overly trained as Doyoung didn’t really like any form of sport but work made it impossible for him to not have a bit of muscle.

Doyoung kissed and kissed until he reached the waistband of Jungwoo’s boxers, the younger’s hands back on his shoulder and moaning softly. He hooked his finger under the elastic and looked up at Jungwoo who gave a short nod as a signal of the raven haired to go on. He looked hot between his legs like that.

Doyoung pulled his boxers down the smooth thighs and threw them to the side not caring where they had landed and put his hand on the other’s dick immediately, which made Jungwoo whine and squirm until Doyoung held his hips down so his movement was limited. He kissed Jungwoo’s torso up until he reached his lips again and pulled him into a kiss as he started stroking his cock in long, slow strokes until Jungwoo let out a desperate, small, “Please stop. I’ll come.” His voice was soft like always but clipped and thigh around the edges, his breath was too fast to let out a longer response.

Doyoung stopped, the other being so wound up and desperate already did something to the bottom of his stomach, a clench. He brought his hands up to Jungwoo’s mouth who opened his lips willingly and sucked on two of his fingers, still lost in the bliss and it felt actually good to have something in his mouth, to have Doyoung push his fingers down on his tongue occasionally just to hear the moan that resulted. Doyoung was mesmerized by the pink plush lips around his fingers and he had to pull himself out of his trance so he could start trailing his hand down and between them again, motioning Jungwoo to pull his legs up a bit so his feet were flat on the bed. His right hand went between the other’s legs and touched his hole lightly which made Jungwoo clench and mewl when he started running gentle circles around the muscle.

“Calm down.”, Doyoung said, supporting himself on one hand and looking at the younger’s face intently, keen on catching any sign of discomfort. Jungwoo tried to relax, but it was so hard, his body already too wound up.  
He didn’t know how but the first breach of Doyoung’s finger inside of him went away unnoticed and the second time the older started to push inside, a little deeper, past the first knuckle, Jungwoo started breathing harder and he was squirming again until Doyoung had to hold his hips in place. The finger went in smoothly but the older was surprised as to how sensitive Jungwoo was, a single finger leaving him gasping. He pushed in and out, probed around the walls inside, which made the younger moan, lining up a second digit as he saw no signs of discomfort.

The second one was worse. Jungwoo started hissing as the tip went inside and Doyoung stopped immediately but Jungwoo was determined and started moving on his own accord until the other stopped him and went at it again himself. When both were fully inside Jungwoo was shivering slightly and when Doyoung started moving and scissoring the digits inside of him he started to moan and mewl again, his hands gripping the bedspread so tight that it became undone in one corner. Doyoung was running his free hand up and down the other’s thigh, trying to calm and comfort him. He was hard in his pant, of course he was, Jungwoo was laying there, making those sounds, whining and moving around. It became worse when Doyoung started to probe around more and hit a spot that made Jungwoo clench, his thighs quivering and falling together in an attempt to stop Doyoung even though he didn’t want him to actually stop. The older pulled the thighs, that were squeezed together, apart, his hands had stopped its movement, and looked at Jungwoo in wonder. “Are you okay?”

Jungwoo took some time until he nodded, too spaced out. “If you touch me there I’ll come.”, he said after his breath slowed down. Doyoung grinned at that. “You can do that?”, he asked teasingly but also in genuine interest and Jungwoo nodded again, cheeks blushed. Forming words was too hard right now.

Doyoung started up his movements again and went from slow but deep strokes to faster and shorter ones where he made sure to graze along Jungwoo’s prostate everytime which left him gasping and whining, his legs quivering and stomach jumping. Jungwoo was spaced out, his body moving on its own accord and he came with a frenzy of movements that he couldn’t control, trying to push away the pleasure but wanting to get closer to it at the same time. Doyoung held him down and kept stroking his fingers inside of him as his neglected dick spurted out white cum.

Jungwoo couldn’t move, his eyes were unfocused and his legs quivering uncontrollably even after Doyoung had pulled his fingers out and let himself fall next to Jungwoo. The older stroked the other’s sides and pulled him in a tight hug, the only cloth between then Jungwoo’s sweat soaked shirt that clung to him like a second skin. The birds were chirping outside and the evening breeze coming inside through the open window was cooling their bodies off. 

Doyoung was worried about Jungwoo being so spaced out, he stroked his hair and told him how good he was. Jungwoo came back down to earth and gave Doyoung a quick peck who melted into the kiss before Jungwoo pulled away.  
“You are really sensitive.”, the older stated into the room, not expecting an answer but Jungwoo hid his face in his naked chest and groaned. “This is so embarrassing.”

“Fuck no. That was hot. The hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”, Doyoung said and Jungwoo scoffed at that rolling his eyes but it was hidden by Doyoung’s chest. Doyoung laughed and pulled the younger closer who slapped his chest lightly.

“What about you?”, Jungwoo asked. He didn’t want to be selfish and be the only person that got off but he had close to no energy at that moment and his legs still quivering from time to time was proof for that. “I can’t move but I’m sure I can still give you a handjob.”

Doyoung stopped Jungwoo’s wandering hands that were already at the older’s waistband and pulled them back up. “I don’t think you need to do that.” Jungwoo was about to question why but the statement sank in and his face became hotter. Had Doyoung really orgasmed by just watching him? He groaned but it sounded more like a whine. The thought was really hot but so embarrassing at the same time. It was worse for Doyoung who was lucky that Jungwoo couldn’t see his red face.

They laid in silence, surrounded by each other until Agata called them down for dinner in the garden.

“This is the best summer of my life.”, Jungwoo said after he had put on a new pair of boxers. Doyoung hugged him from behind, fully dressed and cleaned up, a pair of underwear and pants borrowed from Jungwoo, and kissed the other’s exposed neck. “It is.”


End file.
